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When Susan and I first got married, I just wanted to be married for a while, just the two of us. But she wanted a dog.

So I agreed to a dog on one condition: That we’d wait six months before getting one. We had been fostering a dog that summer, 15 years ago, and had a crate to return to the shelter where he came from after he found a permanent home. It wouldn’t fit in my car, but for some unexplained reason we wound up going to the PetCo where they were having an adopt-a-pet.

Right away, Susan found this little, soft, tan and white puppy with a scraggly little tail. She literally had to wake this puppy up. In fact, it wasn’t even really interested in us. But Susan picked her up and begged me to let her take her home. “Look at her. She’s the perfect little Smudge dog.”

I wasn’t convinced, but after some relentless pleading, we found ourselves driving home with a new puppy. My only condition was that it was SUSAN’S dog until March (our 6-month anniversary and agreed-upon date), because I didn’t want to take care of house breaking or feedings or walks quite yet.

A friend of Susan’s offered to loan her a puppy-sized kennel for us to use so we “bought” Smudge, packed her up and drove to her house. For yet another unexplained reason, Susan drove and I sat in the back seat with SUSAN’S dog. Smudge just laid in my arms, her little head resting on my chest, and fell fast asleep.

From that moment on, she stole my heart, and she convinced me (and even Susan) that she was MY dog.

Susan kept her word, though, and did most of the work during Smudge’s puppy years. She taught her a lot of her tricks, came home from work every lunchtime to let her out, and always took her running with her. Susan got us to be good students of dog discipline. We prided ourselves on having a well-behaved dog who didn’t slobber and jump all over our visitors. But part of that was her shy personality, too. Smudge was not a “beggy” dog either. She knew when it was her turn to eat and waited patiently for us to finish our meals, but as soon as we did, she was ready to pounce. The way she acted, you’d think she was getting a fresh gourmet meal instead of some dry dog food.

Smudge Memories from danrphoto on Vimeo.

Smudge loved an adventure of any kind, and we always took her out to the dog park to let her swim and run. She loved getting the other dogs to chase her. When she was young she was always the fastest dog at the park. Just when it seemed like one dog was about to catch her, she’d kick in that “extra gear” she seemed to have. I remember my dad got a kick out of that when he came to visit. He would brag about her like a proud grandpa.

She loved to play chase, but loved even more chasing bunnies and squirrels. With bunnies she didn’t so much chase them as stalk them. She would stealthily creep as close as she could to them and then let loose her mighty sprint. Sometimes her efforts to move unnoticed by the varmints seemed almost painful as she moved millimeter by millimeter, daring not even to blink. The only real bunny she ever caught was a small young one she managed to corner in our big pampas grass. It was a strange mixture of horror and delight, seeing that little creature’s lifeless body as I got Smudge to drop it. Her dog-smile was almost maniacal looking her with her white chest streaked with blood.

Smudge was an amazing athlete. We used to take her on as many trips with us as we could. She loved the couple of times we went to Colorado. As we were mountain biking a steep trail, huffing and puffing in the thinner air, she was just darting back and forth across the trail, disappearing and reappearing between us, probably covering three times the territory we did on our bikes. I think I was almost as happy as she was, just seeing the joy on her face.

I tried to make Smudge a super Frisbee dog too. But she had more fun finding poop to roll in or taking a “nature-break” mid competition. Smudge never scored very high on competition days, but we always had fun going with her. On her debut competition she wound up on the local news, when she decided that going to meet a handsome Rottweiler would be more fun than bringing back the disc. She was the perfect mix of stubborness and obedience.

One Tired Dog

So it broke our hearts when our superdog started to slow down, and couldn’t keep up with her mommy on her runs anymore and she found less joy in being chased by other dogs at the park, and stayed next to us instead of exploring new territory. And when the dry food didn’t excite her, I let her have canned. When that stopped working, I cooked her these gourmet meals — turkey burgers and french toast, chicken breasts and eggs, and a even filet at the end.

All dog lovers do everything we can to keep our pups happy and healthy. We want to please them because it brings us joy to see them excited and happy. But really, they live to please US, because it brings them even more joy to see us happy.

On our way to see the vet, we stopped at one of her spots along the trail and went down to the creek and got in the water one last time. The three of us waded in and Smudge found strength to find the deeper water, get cooled off and take a few sips from the surface just like she always did when she swam. Although I had to carry her part of the way back to the car, she still had some strength to walk along the trail. When her ears perked up, I knew she must have seen something only visible to her; that last elusive bunny. And if it had been closer, maybe she would have given it one last chase.

Back in the car, my puppy rested one last time in my lap, her head on my chest, looking at me with those big brown eyes. I don’t think I could have loved her any more than I did at that moment, but I know she just wanted to make sure.

I Still Love You Too

A lot of people in our lives have said some wonderful things to us with Smudge’s passing, but I think my friend Ernie may have said it best:
“Only a dog eating a hard cookie can make it sound absolutely delicious,
and only a dog can find the absolute softest part of a person’s heart
where she will remain forever.”